[Voicover. Scene shown - an island.]
Billy Bones: I was Flint's first mate that voyage. Three days east of Tortula in the Caribee; Flint knew an island. That's where we buried the treasure. Gold and blood: they were Flint's trademarks. He'd leave both behind him that day...
Shiver My Timbers
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[Scene - In a British pub, filled with a variety of muppets.]
Billy Bones: Oh, aye. 15 men went ashore that day, and only Flint, his own self returned. Oh aye, and then old Flinty, up and died before he could get back to that cursed island, and dig up the treasure. No one knows to this day who has old Flint's map.
[joined by all in pub]: Now isn't that a story worth the hearing?
Pig: Uh, it was the first dozen times we 'eard it.
Pig's mug: I'll drink to that, oho! [laughter]
Billy Bones: But who has the map now, eh? Some black-hearted, squid-sucking buccaneer? Or maybe it's our very own, Jim Hawkins! Eh, Jimmy!
Jim: If I had it, my friends and I wouldn't be here serving you rum, Mr. Bones.
Gonzo: That's right, we'd be out searching for that treasure. Sailing the seven seas on a five-year mission, boldly going where no man has gone before! Hey, that's catchy.
Rizzo: Not me. If I had that treasure map, I'd be trading it for a decent meal. [to Gonzo] Hey, Gonzo, do you think he's going to eat this?
Billy: Aye! Beware the one-legged man! He's the one to fear.
Jim: Don't worry captain, we'll watch for him.
Rizzo: Yeah, I'll watch for him...if he's delivering a pizza! [laughter]
Billy: [putting a cup over Rizzo's head] Even old Flinty feared him! If he comes pokin' 'round here, you run for me, whippety-quick!
Jim: If we see him, we'll tell you.
Gonzo: Yeah, one leg, three heads, a couple dozen noses: if anything weird happens...
Billy: [grabbing Gonzo by the nose] It's no joking matter, hose nose! The one-legged man brings death!
Mrs. Bluberidge: [from off camera] Time, gentlemen! Closing time! Pays your bills, and then you shove off. Go on, out you go! [falls on a cow]
Cow: Moo..
Mrs. Bluberidge: Oh, drunk again, are you?
Cow: Moo..
Mrs. Bluberidge: Boys, look at the state of this place! How comes it gets to be such a pigsty, huh? [jumble of huhs, heys, and snorts from pigs] No offense meant, gentlemen sirs, no offense meant.
Billy: Here's to you, boys. [drops coins on table] I'm away to me room. [Jim, Gonzo, and Rizzo thank him]
Mrs. Bluberidge: [opening door and letting everyone out] There you go! Don't forget to come back tomorrow for our lunchtime special, roast suckling p..[huhs and ehs from pig]..potatoes, sir, potatoes.
Pig: Oh, alright.
Mrs. Bluberidge: [to a potato-ish looking muppet] No offense, madam, no offense.
Potato lady: Huh.
Mrs. Bluberidge: [shutting door behind everyone] Bah!
**There is a small part of the scene cut out here in the copy I am working with. If anyone has access to a full version or a version that has this part, please let me know. The gist is: Mrs. Bluberidge tells the boys to clean up and to make sure to not forget to put out the lantern or there'll be no table scraps for a week.**
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[Scene - Outside the pub. Rizzo standing on Gonzo's shoulders, standing on Jim's shoulders by the lantern]
[Mumbled dialogue, including 'You're standing on my ear' and 'Easy, whoa, whoa, easy Rizzo' by Gonzo; 'Alright, here we go' and 'Whoa, whoa, that's it, steady' by Rizzo]
Jim: I hate my life.
Gonzo: I hate your life, too.
Rizzo: If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jim: I should just run off to sea like my father did. He was my age when he sailed to China as a cabin boy. And he wound up a first mate!
Gonzo: Run off to sea and just leave everybody?
Jim: Who's "everybody"? I'm an orphan, I've got no family.
Gonzo: Hey, you got us.
Rizzo: Yeah, we're family. [reaches to put out lantern] Got it. [tips too far and everone falls; whoas, ows, and ohs from all three]
Jim: I mean, some family we are. Be serious, Rizzo, we don't exactly look alike.
Rizzo: Ok, alright, so I'm a rat, you're a human being, and Gonzo's a..uh..
Gonzo: Uh, whatever.
Rizzo: Yeah. I mean we're still, we're still family.
Gonzo: Yeah.
Jim: Yeah, but I wish my life were more like one of Captain Bones' adventures. Sailing the high seas in search for a buried treasure!
Gonzo: Yeah, discovering lost islands and weird civilizations.
Jim: And navigating by my father's old compass, to wherever the wind may take us.
Rizzo: Oh, brother...
Gonzo: Yeah. Off to Zanzibar, to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
Rizzo: ...here they go again!
Jim: To the southwest, pirate galleons!
Gonzo: To the southeast, multi-armed Zanzibanian short-women and their exploding wigs of death!
Mrs. Bluberidge [from inside] To the northwest, dirty dishes!
Gonzo: How does she *do* that?
Jim: Might as well start. I'll wash.
Rizzo: Yeah. I'll dry.
Gonzo: I'll break.
[they walk inside]
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[Scene - inside pub, now empty]
Billy: [calling as he stumbles down the stairs] Enough of this singing! Rum! I need rum, lads! I got the horrors! Gimme rum! Rum, 'till I'm flogged!
Jim: Alright, alright, but just one small one.
Mrs. Bluberidge: [from upstairs] Don't be givin' him any more rum!
Billy: How does she bloody *do* that? [hears tapping outside] Shh, shh.. [knocking on door, Jim opens it to a very creepy looking Muppet with a French accent, Blind Pew]
Blind Pew: Hahahaha! Billy Bones, it's me, Blind Pew! I know you're here, Billy! [trips over a chair] Whoa, ah! You sniveling coward!
Rizzo: [whispering to Gonzo] He's some sort of a blind fiend.
[Billy frantically signals for them to be quiet]
Gonzo: [whispering to Rizzo] I believe they prefer 'visually challenged' fiend.
Blind Pew: Ah, I heard that! There's someone..[swings wildly with his cane in one direction]..here! Uh, no, over..[swings other direction and hits the wall just beside Jim]..here! Bah, over here! [ laughs, and begins to feel along the wall, as Billy signals to Jim to stay quiet] Hmm..? [grabs the nose of a stuffed moose hanging on the wall]
Moose: Rmmph!
Blind Pew: Ohoho! Billy Bones! I'd know that scurvy mug of yours anywhere.
Jim: [coming up behind Blind Pew] Excuse me, sir, but the bar is closed. [Blind Pew swings around and pins Jim's arm behind his back] Aah..
Blind Pew: Aha! Oho! [feels Jim's hair, which is long] Ah, a pretty little girl, is it? Yes, take me to Billy Bones, my pet!
Jim: You-you've come to the wrong place. There's no Billy Bones here, and I'm not a girl. [Billy draws up his gun]
Blind Pew: Oh, I may be visually challenged, but I can *see* you're lying! [Billy sets the trigger on his gun, which clicks; Pew hears it and lets go of Jim] Huh? Aiee! [he spins over to where Billy is, knocking the gun out of Billy's hand, which shoots off] Why, good evening, Bill. I know it's you. Yes, you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Just take it all for yourself, and leave your shipmates with nothing. Oh, we are not pleased with that, Bill, not at all. We want you to have *this*. [hands Billy a small slip of paper] Ahahahah! Hahaha! [continues to cackle maniacally as he heads for the door and leaves, tripping over a cat in the alley] Whoa, watch where you're going, you stupid cat!
Billy: [trembling with fear as he looks at the paper] The black spot! AAaaiiiieeeeee!!
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[Scene - Upstairs at the pub, in Billy's room]
Jim: But I don't understand, what is the black spot?
*Still working on the script, bear with me!*
